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what more can i say

(I posted this on Facebook but I wanted to share it here too)

It was almost a month and a half before my 10th birthday when my father suddenly died. One moment I was saying goodnight and about thirty minutes later he was gone. I often wondered that if there had been any indication of what was going to happen, would I have said something different or perhaps said more than I did.

I guess it’s natural to think that way; that if we had advanced warning we’d do or say something different and more of it. And so for quite a long time I pondered that idea of having had the presence of mind to say something more than I did. But the fact remains that I was a child of nine years and what I did say was more than enough for my age to allow.

So here I am 30 years later and the circumstances are the exact opposite. I knew ahead of time that my mother was going to die and yet afterward a similar thought resonated in my mind…..”Did I say enough?” I like to believe I did, yet for a while I kind of wondered.

I’m much older now than I was, able to comprehend more and certainly more aware of what being terminally ill really means. My response to my mother’s death is markedly different from what it was to my father’s. It’s said that with time comes knowledge and with experience comes the wisdom to apply it.

So here it is as I see it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from these experiences, one truth that I know, it’s this: We can never really say enough to the ones we love and there’s always always more to be said.

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2 comments on “what more can i say

  1. Thank you for sharing this Jonathan, my mother died when I was eleven and not a day goes by that I don’ t think about what I am saying or doing with my aging father today. You are brave in writing this and I appreciate this content. We did and do more than we thought we have. I believe the greatest gift we could give to them is to live out the lessons they taught us and to live well, its the greatest gift.

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